Storybrooke vs The Righteous Flock
by polybi
Summary: Once upon a time, there were a bunch of real bad people...ok, bigots. But some folks from a small town in Maine decided to do something about it worst summary ever . Rated T for what happens in the next chapter. Comments please. SQ and other non-broadcast-friendly ships. You wuz warned. Changed the Genres to Humor/Drama. Also, some rough language in parts.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a bit of crack._

_Well, actually, there's enough crack to keep Charlie Sheen happy for a week.._

_RIPPED (sound of paper ripping) FROM THE HEADLINES...SwanQueen and Team FTL take on some infamous bigots._

_OUAT Characters are owned by Disney/ABC, used here for fanship and fun. Any other characters are fictitious, but...or skip it, they have it coming..._

_My writing skills have deteriorated, but I think I have a good story here. DETAILED comments welcome._

_And for you sticklers, AU, Post-curse, Post-magic, Post cereals make breakfast a little bit better. Happy?_

* * *

"WHAT. IN THE NAME. OF. THE. GODS...?"

The mayor of Storybrooke, Maine was usually quiet with her morning coffee at Granny's. Oh there was the occasional murmur as she discussed whatever with either Judge Crow or Snow, aka Mary Margaret. Or the usual sweet nothings or morning argument with her partner/Sheriff Emma. But this...

"So, Madame Mayor, what has our panties in a bunch THIS morning?" Regina Mills really did not need Ruby Lucas' patented sarcasm right now...whatever it was, it set her off, and she was getting ready to rip someone's head off. A certain part-time waitress/part-time Deputy/part-time wolf would do nicely.

Before Regina could reply, three overly cheerful bodies strode into the inn: Snow, daughter Emma, and grandson Henry. Emma kissed the top of her brunette head and could tell instantly that something was up.

"What's wrong, babe...?"

Regina lightly shoved that morning's edition of the _Mirror_ in front of Emma pointed sharply to the offending article's headline..

_**RIGHTEOUS FLOCK PROTEST FUNERAL OF LESBIAN SUICIDE VICTIM, 15.**_

"Oh, my. How horrible!" Snow sighed her shock at the headline. Henry, who was smarter than his nine years would allow him to be rolled his eyes. Emma had to hold back an epithet with her young son in the room.

And Regina continue to seethed. I know I have been a heartless bitch in the past, but these excuses for humans are beyond the pale. No respect for the dead! How could they...?"

Ruby chimed in: "I know. These guys have picketed soldiers, show biz folks, people who died of AIDS...All because they don't fit their narrow view of religion..." She was about to make a sound that seemed to start with the letter F when both Regina and Emma gave off-duty werewolf The Look, with Emma pointing Henry (who gave off a good-Lord-I've-heard-the-word-before-we-get-Cinemax-for-Gods'-sake eye roll)

Snow observed all this with much exasperation. "All I know is that when I read about stuff like this...I mean, what's the use of all this magic we inherited when we can't do something with it...like turn these creeps into frogs or something..."

A near silent bell rings, followed by a familiar brogue replying to the teacher/Queen: "Actually, Miss Blan-_charrd.._.frogs are so...shall we say..stereotypical..." Snow seldom went by that name anymore, but Gold occasionally used it, just to tighten the screw a bit.

"Well, well, if it isn't Mr. Sunshine. What do you want, Gold...?

"My dear Sheriff, you cut me to the quick. I just walked in to purchase a cup of coffee and maybe mingle with my fellow Storybrookians, and all I get is negativity...come. come Ms. Mills-Swan..."

"At least you finally got the name right," Regina inserted with a cocked eyebrow.

Ian Gold glanced at the paper and his eye caught the story that was the focus of the conversation he walked into. His eyes and mood grew dark. "Bastards."

"Mr. Gold?," asked Snow.

Gold stared at the paper for a second. "and they called ME in inhuman."

Suddenly, the Sheriff took the newspaper off the table, grabbed the paper, then grabbed a chair, pulled it next to the mayor, and grabbed the mayor's hand as green eyes met brown. "Don't let a bunch of bible-toting inbreds work on you like this."

Regina's hands tightened on Emma's: "Princess, don't you understand...these people are talking about us! Not only us...there's (looks at the waitress) Red , Mallie, Sidney...and not just anyone who _loves_ differently, but _acts_ and _thinks _differently than they do. Back in the realm...this would _not_ be tolerated..."

As she and Henry both sat down at the table, Snow confirmed this: "I can tell you that is true. Next to me, she hated bigots more than anything.."

"May I remind you, Snow White...at least YOU'RE in the land of the living.." A hint of the more sarcastic Regina slipped through as she took a sip of still-hot coffee. Snow raised a brow, and both Emma and Henry seemed relieved that things were back to normal a bit. But Regina was still frustrated. " It's just with all we can do now, with all this magic...we can't do something about these...these..."

It was then that Regina Mills-Swan went rigid. Chocolate eyes opened brightly. Breathing became labored.

Then that smile. Gold knew that smile. So did Snow. Emma started to know it, but though they were "married," she did not have experience with this. Henry knew, maybe because of the book...

"Refill, Madame May...?" Ruby Lucas, with a pot of hot java refill in hand saw the smile. She knew in an instant something was up.

The Evil Queen was in the house again.

She looked directly, almost seductively to her wife. "Well, you do know what they say about Muhammad and that mountain..."

Then the brunette started delegating. "Deputy.." Ruby knew she was now also on the city's clock. "I'm going to send you a list and instructions. It will be on my desk as soon as you get off here..."

Gold, as questioning as can be, and as pompous as ever: "Your majesty, what exactly is swimming in that devious brain of yours...?"

"Mr. Gold..." she said with a sarcastic level of cheeriness, "I just want to give the fine folks in the righteous flock something to...think about." She smiled broadly. Like a cheerleader on tie stick.

The other three, the wife, the son, and the too-young-to-be mother-in-law were collectively scratching their heads.

Speaking for the trio, Emma looked at her lover and asked, "Well can you at least tell me?"

Regina: "Let's just say its a little prank. We are going to have to get these people up here to do it..."

Henry, shocked and appalled...well, not quite. "But mom...these guys are...well...EVIL.."

"You _do _know who you're talking to, Henry." There was that sense of malevolent mischievousness that Regina used to sport around often before she "married" Emma. Particularly evident as she turned to the former Mary-Margaret Blanchard...

"Oh, and Snow, for this to work, I am going to give you the opportunity you have hoped decades for...you, my dear...are going to kill me!"

Everyone's jaw dropped at the same time, and the only sound Snow White could make in response was a muffled "gulp..."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: By now, some of you may have figured out that TRF is a fictional replacement for a certain well-known group in great need of satirization. The name, though, comes from one of my favorite guilty pleasures, Porky's 2: The Next Day._

_You know have a feeling about how far down the rabbit hole we're going with this._

_Thanks to all who have made this a favorite...I hope I earn your trust with #2_

* * *

_**GAY MAYOR DIES...GAY SHERIFF WAS WIFE**_

_**(US Press) It not that common in the 21st century to find a town with both a LGBT Mayor AND Sheriff. Even more rare that both would be life partners.**_

_**But Sheriff Emma Ann Swan, 29, of the small town of Storybrooke, ME, is mourning the loss of her partner...and boss...Mayor Regina Coraline Mills.**_

_**Mills, who age was not available at press time, collapsed at the home of a friend, Mary Margaret Blanchard. The mayor was declared dead when she arrived at the local hospital.**_

_**Grief then turned ugly when "Tex" Nix and his daughter Polly, leaders of the controversial anti-gay cult The Righteous Flock, vowed to picket Mills' funeral, the elder Nix calling the relationship, 'and affront to the creator that made them."**_

* * *

Eugenia "Granny" Lucas had run her Inn for more times than she could count. She didn't get too many visitors, mainly because the curse that enveloped the town for decades kept the hamlet secluded from curious visitors. When the curse was lifted a couple of years ago, people in Storybrooke could come and go as they pleased, but they liked their seclusion. So the late, lamented Mayor, otherwise known then as the Head Witch Bitch in charge (one of Granny's little pet names for Regina Mills), placed a shroud over the town. You could only visit Storybrooke if Storybrooke wanted you to visit. Everyone else passed through the two-lane through the place sight unseen.

So when the square-jawed, white-haired man with the pot-marked clean-shaven tanned face, wearing a white Stetson hat and western-style suit and boots walked into the inn and stepped up to the desk, accompanied by a younger woman, flat-bodied, chestnut-haired, looking for all the world like Jane Hathaway's homelier sister, Granny knew that Storybrooke wanted these two in. Besides, Granny was expecting them.

"Ma'am, my name is Tex Nix of the Righteous Flock, and this is my lovely daughter, Polly..." _(Granny took a look at the woman and knew the younger woman was well-named...girl had the face of a parrot)._"...we'd like to rent a room for a few days."

Granny put on her best fake-pleasant demeanor towards the two: "I'll be happy to help you you. Righteous Flock...I reckon you're here for that Mills woman's service, is that right..?"

"Yessum," _(Polly's face was one thing, her voice was another...as irritating as the proverbial finger-nails-on-blackboard)._"This is NOT an easy place to find."

"Oh, I understand, honey..." _(be as sweet as pie for these folks...as much as they want to make you hurl...)_ and you get close to them and whisper: "...between you and me, the mayor and the sheriff...well, it can keep a body up all night..." _(yeah, those two put a new meaning to the term, you can hear them coming from a mile away...)_

"Well, we're here to let them know how folks like you feel...that women like Regina Mills and the harlot of a girlfriend of hers are abominations!" _(Tex Nix had a Southern preacher's voice. Rich baritone. Very forceful. Pompous as shit.) _

Granny then hands them the keys to their adjacent rooms: 12 and 14. She calls over Hap to help with their luggage (one of the few times the dwarf was not living up to his hatched name). "Well, I know how other places have treated you, but we know how you feel. And believe me, Mr. and Ms., I am being very honest with you when I say, the majority here in Storybrooke will be very happy to take you in. Very very happy!" Granny's grin is as wide as the Mississippi, and the Nix's smiles are equally has wide (they really need to see the dentist..). It was only after the pair was safely up the stairs that Granny Lucas exhaled, put her hands over her face, then dropped the hands, exhaled a "Jesus!," and picked up the phone, and, after it picked up, talked in a very low voice...

"They're here...they're worse than I thought...is everything set? Good...I'll let our "guests" know that the "wake" is tonight at 7...Bye, Snow." And with that, Granny hung up.

And as Eugenia Lucas eyed up that staircase, a very conspiratorial smile came over her.

Yes, the residents of Storybrooke will be very, very happy to take this bunch in. Very, very happy...

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED Next: The wake.**

_By the way, I hope that __**Scribes and Scrolls**_ _is not upset that I named my Granny the same name as her Granny in her excellent __**A Ledger Squared In Blood**__. Read it of you can._

_Once Upon a Time is property of ABC Studios. This story is done for fun and therapy, not for profit. Unfortunately. _


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you for all the nice things you have said about this. _

_This is going to be a little serious in this chapter, with the REAL fun coming up in the next chapter. _

_I could take a bit...life is taking over. I just wish I can make a profit from this, but I am not and can't, because this is property of ABC Studios._

_Keep feeding the pigeons. And a special thank you to BondJane. I needed the ego boost._

_Caution: some strong language.._

* * *

**The Wake**

It was just as Regina Mills wished. A simple affair, nothing too grand. Though she lived a good deal of life as a Queen and a mayor, this is how she wanted to be seen in death. As simply Regina Coraline Mills. A woman of humble upbringing. Just an average person.

Laying in an ornate glass coffin.

But that is what she wanted. And, as in life, she got what she wanted.

The townspeople of Storybrooke filed into the church to convey their thoughts. Maybe it should have been expected, but the sight of Regina laying in that covered glass box brought up feelings that may have been buried by some.

For Judge Mallie Crow, aka her best frienemy Maleficent, there was the sadness that there was not more to that friendship. For all the things they had done _to_each other, they were there for each other when they needed each other. And Regina was definitely there for her redemption.

Mr. Gold tried to keep composure. But the sight of his arch-enemy laying there so still was almost too much to bear.A single white rose was laid on the coffin, then with his wife holding him up, he slowly moved to his seat, tears inexplicably falling down his face.

There were the Seven, who filed past the coffin...their finest handiwork. Dr. Whale and his fiance Ginger. Abigail just buried her head in Frederick's chest at the sight.

None of these people ever thought they would see Regina Mills in a casket. Still. Motionless. Lifeless.

Finally, the family. Blue took care of Henry at home because Emma and Snow White thought the sight of his adoptive mom would be too much. First, James. In a sense, she was Ginger to his Gilligan, the times before the curse lifted the fog in his mind when she pursued him, and the same times he bolted from her charms. Afterwards, they laughed about it, but seeing her this way made him wonder.

Emma thought she could hold it together. But she took a look at her woman in that casket, and she could not help it. Red hugged her with one arm trying to console her. Granny just stared blankly at the body in the coffin.

Snow White was the last. She wanted a few minutes alone. "For all these years I dreamed of seeing you here. The curse. Everything. But you couldn't kill me and I couldn't kill you. At least for me...I kept thinking about the moment you saved from that horse. That somewhere deep in that you were not evil. And you weren't. As much as hated you...I couldn't...stop...loving..." The word "you" turned into an anguished wail as Snow White collapsed to her knees next to the coffin, and her husband and daughter had to lift her up and carry her to her seat.

It was not supposed to be like this. Almost everyone in the room hated Regina Coraline  
Mills...The Evil Queen. But now, seeing her like this, in that coffin, even with things being as they were, they all realize the debt that they owe the woman. There was not a genuinely dry eye in the house.

Then they showed up..

They were about 30 or so...men women and kids. Each of them wearing a T-shirt saying "GOD HATES QUEERS!" They waltzed into the room singing something about hell and damnation. Everyone knew these people would show up. They just could not believe they would be so brazen.

They stood around the Queens coffin, murmured something, then Tex Nix, their leader, with gusto, shouted out: "THIS IS A LESSON...FORNICATORS, JEZEBELS, AND DAUGHTERS OF SAPPHO WILL FRY IN THE LAKE OF FIRE! AND TOMORROW, WE SHALL GIVE THIS SLUT THE SEND OFF SHE DESERVES!"

Sorrow had long since turned to anger, but Red Lucas could not take more. Briskly she walked up to Nix and his daughter Polly...and the werewolf was steaming. "I DON'T CARE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS WOMAN...BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CALL HER SLUT, YOU GODDAMNED WRINKLED PRUNE!"

Polly stood by her father dumbstruck, while Nix's face turned almost as red as the cloak Red was wearing" You're actually defending this scarlet woman?"

"No you southern fried turd! But you should at least have some respect for the dearly departed!"

Nix retorted Red's words: "Well maybe tonight we will pray for this lost soul...judging the the way this tart's dressed, it just may be she's a bigger slut than the corpse!"

That did it. Red lunged at the old man, whilst the flock formed a cordon around him to protect him. Nix's daughter just stood spellbound, as Emma, James, Grumpy, and even jumped in to pull the deputy away from the old man. When everyone was separated, Nix gathered himself and his flock, marching out the church singing "Shall We Gather At The River," with Polly Nix making occasional quick stares at Red, who was breathing heavily, probably doing everything possible to keep from making that lupin transformation.

And while Emma and Snow glanced back at Regina's prone body in the coffin, Granny embraced her granddaughter, trying to calm her down: "Don't worry, honey...you'll have your shot tomorrow...you _will _have your shot...

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED **


	4. Chapter 4

_First, I'd like to thank all of the people who have made this a favorite or have decided to follow. I am also happy that so many of you appreciate what I am trying to do with the story. The italics would be for the flashback at the middle of the story._

_Any views are the authors and do not reflect the views of ABC Studios, which owns the concept and characters of Once Upon A Time. This is written as a fan, and not for direct profit._

* * *

**Services for the late Regina Coralina Mills**

The flock was in full throat by the time the mourners arrived. If you asked them, they'd probably say that they love to put their hands around said throat and squeeze. Especially one Ruby "Red" Lucas. She was an honorary pallbearer (the guys who called themselves Team Seven), and after the wake (and blessing out the flock after invading it), Rubes just wanted to reacquaint herself with her old friend Jack from Kentucky...

* * *

_**The night before at the Rabbit Hole**_

_The Hole was the closest thing to nightlife there was in Storybrooke and, of all people, Regina was the one who actually opened it up (ostensibly to keep a certain wolfish deputy from roaming the wilds of Boston) Red was just at the "how's life been treating you" point with Jack (translation: 1/4 of the bottle was gone), when who would show up but Polly Nix, self-righteous daughter of even-more self righteous Tex Nix, leader of the obscenely Righteous Flock. Seems that Polly apparently has her own threesome with herself, the St. Pauli Girl, and her Old Grand Dad (ewww...that sounds...ewww..), when the parrott-esque redhead with the short do and the Annie Hall dress sat down. Next. To. Her._

_At first the girl was rambling about the e-vils of ho-mo-sex-u-al-it-tee, and how tragic it was for some to struggle with such a sin. Oh the struggles that a person has to go through every single day, anytime an attractive person of the same gender would walk by, that person had to battle the demons within and not give in to the urges...the urges..the urge..._

_And at that point the Parrot was on the Wolf. Polly definitely needed kissing instructions and Red was not in the mood for teaching...at least her. The woman's tongue so far deep in her throat Red swore it was touching her liver. Her breath smelled like Kirk's Castile Soap, a taste quite familiar to her, considering her Granny washed her mouth out with it on regular occasions. her drool was thicker than 30w. _

_Maybe this is what they meant by reparative therapy._

* * *

**The Services**

The more red thought about it, the more she wanted to forget last night ever happened. And the more friends didn't I want to know what happened.

The day was sunny. The sky was clear. The scene with Storybrooke Park, set almost adjacent to the woods that surrounded the small town. Two rows of seats were set up, are red carpet lead between the rows up to the makeshift pulpit, with the glass coffin that contained the still body of Regina Mills.

It was nice of the flock allow the mourners, pretty much the entire town. Unfortunately, they were serenaded going in by badly performed gospel hymns, interspersed with call for all of them to visit Hell on a permanent basis.

Mr. Gold led the services, with kind, loving thoughts on the dearly departed. Maybe a couple of years later those thoughts would be been sarcastic, but a lot of things has changed since.

Then the parade of friends: Archie, Ella and Thomas, Kathryn, Peter Whale, Lance, Maggie...just about everyone who was everyone in the little town of Storybrooke came up and spoke, Judge Crow was extremely emotional as she spoke about the woman who, until a couple of years ago, was her only friend.

Then it was time for Emma to say "goodbye." With her mom, Snow by her side, wearing a simple black dress with pearls. Emma wore a black pantsuit, but also wore her trademark red jacket. Emma was extremely emotional as she recounted the day she and Regina met, their many battles, the day Emma started the curse to break. Several times she almost broke down.

After acknowledging her love for her Queen, she turned from the podium, walked to the casket. "Let me kiss you goodbye." It was a intense moment, a reason why Henry was at home, being babysat by Blue and Nova. Emma turned to Snow and looked at her, nervously. "True love's kiss..." was all Snow said.

Then Emma Swan kissed the lips of her true love.

The kiss was one fitting a final farewell. Her lips pressed her lover's. Emma's tears dropped on Regina's face. It took about 13 seconds. It seemed like a thousand life times.

Then Emma rose up, her mouth contorting with keeping with her weeping. Snow wept too, thinking of the wasted years she and the Queen fought, when they could have been friends, maybe more.

The Righteous Flock, led by the Nix's, were not moved by this tenderness. The screamed "GOD HATES QUEERS!" repeatedly, louder and with more fervor with every utterance of that rancid sentence. Red Lucas jumped up and screamed "SHUT UP YOU BASTARDS!" but Granny calmed her down and set her down in her seat as the xenophobic mob chanted their obscene chants.

All the while Emma and her young mother stared at the woman in the casket, expecting her to somehow raise up from the coffin.

Then...

A gasp. A cough.

And eyes that flung open almost like a jump.

For Snow White, it was deja vu. It was exactly how James awakened her from her induced slumber.

And now true love's kiss worked again. Emma Swan beamed at the sight. Regina Mills, awake, smiling.

She could not help it...the sheriff kissed the mayor again..more passionately this time. But while she wanted to return that kiss with even more force, Regina whispered, "Not now, Miss Swan..."

Then Regina heard the chants from the mob. "Oh, they are gonna deserve what's coming to them," the Queen whispered with almost an evil grin. A grin that was copied by her wife and her young mother in law. Then Snow White put her left hand behind her back and made a signal. Her husband James, Red and her Granny, Gold and his wife Belle, Mallie Crow, just everyone else saw it.

And as the flocks ugly chants grew louder and louder the could not see the Cheshire Cat grins spreading on the faces of the attendees of the "funeral."

They have no idea what's about to happen to'em.

**To Be Continued.**  
**Next...the fun starts.**


	5. Chapter 5

The Flock was now at fever pitch. They didn't care if it was a funeral or not, they continued to yell their obscene chants at the throng in front of them. They didn't even notice...or care...that the beautiful sunny day that they were experiencing was quickly deteriorating into a cloudy one. As a matter of fact the clouds were seeming quite ominous.

Kathryn was the pianist, and she was doing a very beautiful arrangement of "He Gives Us All His Love" by Randy Newman. It wasn't really a hymn, and Randy's not that religious, but Regina and Emma were watching the movie "Cold Turkey" a few 2am's back, and she felt that if there was a song that could be spiritual to the former Queen, it would be that one.

Regina lay still in the coffin...the same glass coffin that housed Snow White, serving the same purpose...to keep her alive until her true love kissed her. Emma Swan was happy to fulfill that duty. Anytime.

Emma's mother, Snow White held Emma's hand as they stood at the coffin, the chants of the Flock ringing in her ears. WIth backs turned to the audience and the mob, no one could see the crap-eating grins on the ladies faces. Regina, with all color back to her cheeks signaled it was time for the main event..

Emma: "They have no idea what we're about to do to them..."

Regina: "Not a chance in hell..."

Snow: "Nuthin' but love brotha, nuthin' but love..."

As they ladies were holding back chuckles, they were remembering they had to send that copy of "Independence Day" back to Netflix in the morning.

And with a nod from Regina, the show was about to start...

Both Snow and Emma stepped away from the casket, and while Snow joined her husband James, fighting hard to suppress a giggle, Emma was all anger. The anger was not fake as she saw the crowd of 30 continue to scream homophobic taunts. Emma took the the mike..

"Last night you said my Regina was an abomination to her maker. Well YOU (practically screamed) are the abomination! God said to love even those who you disagree with...that you should not judge! You are nothing but hate...all of you!" Emma's right arm made and angry sweep across the mob filling her field of vision. The she looked up with a face that would read anguish. "Please God...if you love my Regina as much as I do...give me a sign!"

Regina heard her cue. Lifting one finger she sent a magic beam into the air...you could only see if if you really looked. The beam it its target...a bolt of lightning sliced between the coffin and the makeshift pulpit, scaring the crap out of just about everyone in attendance...

_Bank shot!_

Suddenly, a thick purple mist started to quickly surround the glass coffin, seemingly giving off an eerie purplish glow.

Gold turned to his wife and whispered..."Show off..." Bell just rolled her eyes.

But the Flock behind them were stunned, frightened, as if they were seeing a...well, hell, they were.

Then the body of Regina Mills, itself surrounded with a purplish glow, rose from the glass enclosure...straight up vertically. Emma, Snow, and James turned towards the sight.

"Its Satan!," one the elderly ladies in the flock screamed.

As the "body" of the mayor righted herself vertically as she levitated herself from the ground, she stretched her arms, then brought them down. In a flash, Emma was surrounded by a golden glow, Snow White a blue one, James a red. Then they slowly, eerily were levitated from the ground to flank Regina as a united front.

The airborne foursome were now floating in the general direction of the flock.

Polly Nix was terrified beyond belief, so were the others in the group, but the elder Tex Nix reared back and laughed.

Regina and company were now hovering over the flock, with stern expressions on all. The mayor bellowed at Tex Nix: "You dare laugh at my power?"

"That was a good trick, harlot! You tricked us to coming to this little backwater town to hoax us all...probably one of those hidden cameras for that home video show! Real funny..."

Regina: "You mock my power?" She was now in full stereotypical Evil Queen mode...she's seen enough movies to get it down pat...

Polly ran in front of her father, "Please don't hurt him..we'll go...please don't hurt my daddy.."

For a second, Regina felt a twinge. How she felt for her daddy...and how wrong her mother was so many times. For a second, she thought that maybe, in this homely young girl could have been her for a moment...forced to believe something she may not have wanted to. But the fact that this homely young girl was also shouting "GOD HATES QUEERS!" the loudest stopped those thoughts in a hurry. She pointed her finger at the girl, levitated her then plopped her in a clover thicket. Hard.

The others were astonished...all but Tex Nix, who was less concerned with the welfare of his formerly airborne daughter than proving this Daughter of Sappho to me in league with the devil.

"That's a good trick Miss Mills, I'll grant you that, but I've seen a macians in Vegas. Is that the best you can do you carpet-munching whore?"

That did it. She was going to wait to put out the "good stuff," but that did it. She signalled to Judge Crow to join them. She was on foot while the others were still airborne...silent and angry.

Regina held out her hands again pointed them towards Mallie Crow and yelled "TRANSFORRRRRM!"

Mallie thought bubble said, "I know its for effect, but do we have to be so...dramatic?"

And so Mallie Crow's eyes began to glow yellow and within seconds her 5'9" human form was transformed into fire-breathing monster of a dragon almost two stories tall. A dragon that hated bigots.

The screams were almost deafening as the Flock's bravado left them and they quickly following. It was your standard monster-chasing-the-townspeople scene. One guy jumped into a dumpster. Two church ladies fell into a puddle. Granny scooped up the five kids and lead them to "safety" (aka, back to the Inn).

Nix picked up his daughter and joined the screaming running down the dirt road running to the main highway back into town, followed closely by one Maleficent the Dragon. Suddenly, a black Chevy Suburban. "HOP IN!" The long-haired woman driving the van yelled. The Nix's and five others piled into the van and they drove off. They others were left to run screaming for their lives, not realizing that as the van pulled off the dragon had disappeared and resumed the form of a now hysterically laughing Judge Mallie Crow.

* * *

The van went deeper into the wooded area, near a small pond. Everyone got out, and the driver was revealed to be Ruby, the waitress at the inn. The same waitress an inebriated

Polly Nix tried to get up close and personal with.

"Why thank you sweet child!" Tex Nix was all effusive...and horny. "You saved our lives!"

Ruby cocked her head and looked at the preacher as if he was lying his head off. "You self-righteous mutherfucker!" Tex was aghast at the language and the attitude, but Ruby Ann Lucas was just getting started.

"You and your bunch waltz in to town, you call my friend a harlot...you call me a Goddamned slut. And you you're coming on to me...like your daughter last night!"

"NO!" Polly Nix protested, but Ruby was on fire.

"Yeah, _Rev_, your virginal daughter was crying about struggling with the devil when she backed me up and shoved her tongue down my throat!"

And angry Rev. Nix turned to his daughter and and growled, "Is..this...true?"

Hysterically sobbing, Polly Nix, gave her answer. Almost whispering, she replied, "Yes, daddy..."

The elder nix stared at Polly for a few moments, then muttered, "You're no daughter of mine."

As much as Polly irked her, that was the last straw for Ruby. 'Well, you were right," staring at Rev. Nix. "I did save you. I save you for..._myself._" And with that Ruby's angry eyes turned crystalline.

Back at the "funeral," The assembled heard a wolf howl.

* * *

Much looking back and forth, not to mention much eye-shrugging. Finally, Snow White looked at her daughter, daughter-in-law, husband, and finally, in resignation. Granny. "Ok, I'll get the red coat, you get the crossbow..." All things considered, both probably took their time.

Back at the pond, Ruby had fully transformed, growling bitterly at the throng, while a shell-shocked Polly stood at the edge of the water. Ruby had learned to control her lupine instincts; she could still think like a human but still be a wolf. But the angrier she got at Tex Nix, the less human she became. She knew she had to act now before all control was lost. She let out a loud growl that sent the throng running into the woods.

Rubes' human self was laughing at the fact that these homophobic bigots, so full of bravado, ran literally like chickens in the woods. She was feeling a bit proud of herself when she heard the cry for help.

Polly Nix was in the water. She couldn't swim. And she was going down.

* * *

**To be continued.**

_A/N: This started out as crack...now we have drama. These things never do work out as you like. I think we have about 2 or 3 chapters to go._

_ABC Studios owns it. I'm just borrowing it._


	6. Chapter 6

_For those keeping score cards, this is DEFINITELY AU! And we have one chapter left on this one. Thank you for all the kind words._

_OUAT is property of ABC Studios. This is for fun...and to make a point._

Ruby Red could think in human while still a wolf. She heard the screams from the pond. She could revert, but that would take minutes and she only had seconds. As Polly Nix was going under, possibly for the last time, Ruby sprang into action, all four mighty legs running to the pond. Once in the water, she bit into Polly's dress, and then dragged the young woman out of the water and onto the dry grass nearby. The wolf then spread herself on Polly's body to give her warmth until either help arrived or she could transform. She howled, hoping someone would hear and come to the rescue.

Miraculously, moments later, help did come in the form or Snow White and Granny Lucas. They could tell the the silver-tipped arrow was not needed, only Ruby's crimson hoodie. Snow ran and pulled the wolf off the body of Polly who was still breathing. Granny took her dress coat off, but not before pulling out her cell and calling Emma to see if she had any blankets, and calling 911 as well.

Snow wrapped Ruby in her red coat and soon she could feel her friend transform from powerful wolf to human. The transformation took about a minute. Ruby, weak from it all, opened her eyes, still crystalline from everything, and looked into Snow's deep blues. "Is she alright?" was all Ruby asked. Snow smiled and nodded her head, as approaching sirens confirmed that fact. Then the Princess brought Ruby's head to her, kissed her lips, and held her to her chest and Ruby finally went to sleep.

**Three days later. The Inn.**

It was supposed to be a gag. A stunt. Something that would get a bunch of bigots but good. It did, and it was funny for a moment, but the stunt almost cost a life.

The mob did have enough sense to retrieve their kids. They camped out at the edge of town before the whole mess started, so Granny didn't have to worry about unpaid hotel bills.

The previous night, things did work as planned. Nix was on that conspiracy guys show telling how he and the flock were trapped in a town of satanic witches (well, not satanic...devilish, maybe...), the floating corpse, the werewolf, the whole damned deal. The guy would usually keep almost anyone on, but Nix's ranting and raving sent the host to cut him off, called Nix a lunatic, and swore he'd never have in on the show again.

Now this afternoon Grans was watching the all-news channel. Nix and crew were at a soldier's funeral...they had the signs but they were rather reserved. No yelling. No raving. They all looked shell-shocked for some reason. And when the reporters asked the preacher about his daughter who was conspicuous by her absence, he spat "I have no daughter!" and stalked off.

The old innkeeper wasn't laughing. It's not fun for anyone to be disowned on live television.

It was a rather downcast group, carrying various loads of guilt on their backs, that walked into the Inn's diner. Regina, Emma, Snow, James all at the table. Red was still at the hospital so Red's girlfriend Rose came by to take the order. She was blond, the epitome of perky, and she was much busty as Red was leggy. The young woman took their order...four hot cocoas with cinnamon, then asked about Red.

"She's back at the hospital with Polly. She'll be discharged tomorrow," Snow responded. "Then Archie wants to talk with her a bit."

"Did you see the TV reports?" The question was delivered by James with great deadpan.

"I did." Granny overheard the conversation, walked up to their table and joined them. "and I saw what her dad said. It was horrible! I hope she didn't see it."

Regina Mills usually is not so quiet, but this afternoon, she was almost somber in her answer "She did."

It was silent around that table for a long time.

**After Polly left the hospital **

The homely young brunette remained quiet and by herself. The hurt of her dad's rejection of her because of one drunken indiscretion (and it wasn't even that...it was just a sloppy kiss) was more that the girl could bear. She managed to get her money out of the bank account that Daddy set up; to keep it safe, Kathryn Nolan help set up an account at her dad's bank in town. It was a substantial amount, but she didn't seem interested in spending any of it. She extended her stay at the Inn. She offered to pay, but Granny would have none of it. She was free to stay at the Inn for as long as she needed to.

Regina knew what losing parents meant. And what having parents that did not love you or care about you meant. Or anyone for that matter, remember the day the curse started to break. Emma felt the same way too, based on her years in foster care. Snow and James also had similar experiences. In fact they realized that all of Storybrooke was, to and extent, broken; each of them misfits in their original realm. In this small town they had a chance to heal and realized that they were not really misfits, but special in a homogenized world. Red more than anyone felt that way. Maybe that, and maybe that fumbling attempt at a kiss, was why she became closest to Polly.

Polly never did try to kiss Ruby again, in fact it became a source of great humor. She also became close to Ruby's girlfriend Rose, as well and Mary Margaret and David, as she knew Snow and James. Polly could not understand or comprehend the relationship the tall goth had with the other three, but as she grew to know them...and everyone else in Storybrooke, the less judgmental she became.

Through it all, he faith stayed steady. The Mother Superior helped with that. She insisted that Polly call her Blue, and when asked why, the nun replied because no one can spell my real name!" Polly still believed some things were against her moral code, but she also found to her surprise that everyone respected her feelings, even the ones who were fervently against her in the first place like the mayor, who (if you ask anyone in town they would say uncharacteristically) repeatedly apologized to her for the stunt that brought her to Storybrooke in the first place.

Two month's after, Polly started doing little jobs to help pay her way. Though she still had lots of money, she did not want to feel like a mooch. Some days when Ruby was doing deputy work, she helped out at the cafe. One day a week she did filing for Gold and Belle. She volunteered at animal rescue with David. Mary Margaret found Polly was a whiz in math and allowed the young woman to tutor some of her more fractions-challenged students.

And on certain nights, when Ruby afforded herself the accommodations at the local jail so she would not eat up any flora, fauna, or humans, thick, raw cuts of steak were waiting for her in her appointed cell. Hand-written thank you noted were left in the morning for Polly as the werewolf was sleeping the night off.

As such, Polly Nix knew that Storybrooke was a unique place, and one night, over Dr. Peppers and non-fermented apple cider, Polly was told he whole story...David, Regina's mom, David's death, Regina's anger against Mary Margaret, the curse...everything. Then everyone told Polly their real identities. They all expected the young woman to think they had all lost their minds, but Polly stated, "I grew up believing in miracles. I think this qualifies."

And in the middle of the chuckles and the hugs and the high-fives and the occasional busses one the cheek, Polly Nix knew that, for the first time in her life, she felt unconditionally accepted. Liked. Maybe even loved. She knew that this felt like...was..._home_.

And it came to pass, on Saturday not long after that, Polly, Emma, Regina, Snow, and Red were briskly walking, plastic at the ready, to the new H&M shop that suddenly appeared at a formerly vacant storefront (actually Regina zapped it there to see if she can give her wife some fashion sense beyond Wrangler jeans and red jackets...though she would rather use the term conjure...zapping is for bad TV sitcoms about witches, anyway). They had no problem with their youngest member calling the group "Polly's Posse." A beautiful day...at least until Polly stopped in her tracks.

The young woman's face was drained of almost all its color as the tall man with grey hair and a wide-brimmed Stetson stood in their path. Everyone stopped, and Polly..fear in her voice...acknowledged the man in their presence.

"Hello, Daddy..."

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

_I was going to end it here, but there is one more chapter to go. There will be an epilogue, plus, in this chapter, good from the most unlikely source._

_I would like to thank everyone who has been with me on this. As I said, this started out as a crack fic, but one comment took this in a whole new direction._

_I also know that there are some who have been nervous that I have interjected current events in these stories. But I based this on the convictions of the show's original cast and what I would think the characters would react. I hope to do more of that in the future. You've been warned._

_You've also been warned that the long story I'm working will continue. We just halfway through that novel. And any ideas you might have, I'll take._

_Although this IS AU, there might be a teeeeeeensy-tiny S2 spoiler in this one. Just letting you know._

_OUAT is property of ABC Studios. Views expressed are not necessarily those of ABC, ABC Studios, the producers, writers, cast, and crew of Once Upon A Time. This is not for profit, this is for fun and making a point._

'_nuff said._

* * *

He wore the same Stetson hat that he wore when he first came to Storybrooke. Same jeans. But he was not wearing the same baiting t-shirt he wore, but rather brown plaid button-up thermal. His bushy-browed eyes seem weary.

Storybrooke knows who comes and who goes. Before the curse was modified, one dwarf tried to leave and it took a year to get his pre-curse memory back. Like Brigadoon, it appeared and disappeared, but only for a fortunate few. Storybrooke knew that the right Reverend John "Tex" Nix had to be here. For a reason.

As he stood on the downtown sidewalk, he looked at his daughter Polly, flanked by four women: the mayor, the sheriff, her deputy, and the local schoolteacher. The four formed a protective stance behind Polly, as the two Nix' just looked at each other.

Tex Nix's bluster was gone. He was defiant, but if possible, more humbly so. Polly had changed also. Now longer homely or unattractive, she was bright, in both mind and demeanor. Her dress, formerly drab, was colorful. Her face, formerly contorted by hate, had been transformed to a kind of innocence. A beautiful, luminous innocence. Storybrooke had changed Polly Nix for the better. Her father, though, seemed to feel her daughter may have been possessed.

For a long time there was silence on that warming October morning, hotter than it should be...

"Daughter." Nix started. His eyes intense. Whether it was anger or hope, no one could tell at that moment.

Polly responded, "Yes, Daddy..."

"Come home with me daughter..."

"I _**am**_ home Daddy."

It was clear that anger was taking over the elder Nix. "Sweet Pea...this is not you.."

"But it is Daddy." It was seeming that for the first time in 20 years, Polly Ann Nix was standing up to her father. Standing up for herself. And so these things are, the first steps were tenuous, but stronger, bit by bit, with every word. "These are not evil people. I am not evil. Why did you turn away daddy?"

"I thought you were possessed, child. Maybe you still are..."

The other women stood dumbstruck. Maybe the could not believe what they were hearing.

"I am NOT possessed by anything but good and love. These are kind people, loving people. They respect me for who. I. am."

"What you are is a child of God...not a child of Lesbos!" The man's voice and anger rose.

"Daddy! A child of God is not a child of hate. I've hated for too long..!" Her anger and emotion now rising, as well, "These people..." (pointing to the quartet behind her) "..have taught me not to hate. They taught me love, daddy...love!"

The level of anger was rising between them, and it was all Polly's four friends could do not to throttle him. Finally Regina Mills spoke up...

"Excuse Me, _Reverend_ Nix..." The "reverend was spoken with an exceedingly high level of acid...

"Why, Miss Mills...I must congratulate you on your speedy recovery..." Nix himself could mix fake Midwestern charm with acidic smarm...

"_Reverend _Nix...the little _display_ we gave you and your followers was our town's response to your hatred. But having observed how you treated you treated your daughter...disowning her on television. I've known evil. For the sake of the gods, I have been evil. But nothing...nothing compares to you."

Nix step into the mayor's space, face red with anger and the bigotry that was his essence. He slowly grumbled out: "You listen here you _fuckin' faggot._...this is MY daughter, and I you WILL NOT tell me what to do with her..."

Suddenly a force that was visibly topped by dirty blonde grabbed his shirt collar and slammed Nix into the wall of the store behind him. he was now face to face with Emma Mills-Swan, knee pressed to Nix's most sensitive spot...while, with teeth clinched, making her statements crystal clear...

"That woman is not a faggot...she is the mayor of this town...and my WIFE..."

As Emma was saying her piece a crowd gathered round Polly. James, Kathryn, the Golds, Granny and Red, Maggie and Rory, Leroy and the seven. Pretty much the whole of Storybrooke gathering to support one young woman. Tears were forming in Polly's eyes and the town she was adopting came together. Meanwhile, The sheriff continued to read the preacher the Riot Act...

"Now...Polly is a GUEST in our town...and I hate to say it but so are you. And guests WILL be treated with respect...Even. If. They. Are. Family..." And as she puts additional pressure on the knee.. "DO. YOU. UNDER. STAND...?"

Nix huffed. He puffed. Then he pushed the sheriff off him. Then he rushed to his daughter.

There is a way that one can tell rage in the eyes. A way you can tell if a human is unhinged. Emma and Snow saw that look when they first encountered Jefferson. The eyes are wide, blood vessels show, and the person's face is alive with rage. That looked possessed Tex Nix as he grabbed Polly by the right arm with his left while he right hand gripped firmly on the girl's forehead. He screams at the sky..."My daughter! She's been possessed by demons! brainwashed in the den of sin and perversion! Loose these demons that have taken hold of her...!" Nix was going through his revival tent routine...but the audience wasn't buying.

Neither was Polly. As her daddy shook and trembled, she stood like a statue, staring at her father. Or maybe he wasn't anymore. She stared at him like a stranger.

Emma, Regina, Snow, Red, and the rest just stood, transfixed at the sight of a man whose hatred had taken over his mind. The rest of the town was seething. The last time they wanted to throttle someone this bad everyone got their memories back. And this time, there would be no White Knight or Snow White to save his sanctimonious ass.

And Polly stood there. Stoically. Nix removed his hands from his daughter, looked her, then grabbed her again, this time violently shaking her. Regina, Emma, and Red could not take it anymore...Emma tried to separate the two, Regina grabbed Nix, and Red grabbed Polly in an effort to pull the two apart, and Red seem this close to transform...

"EXCUSE ME...?"

All motion stopped and all attention turned to the woman in black...leather pants and vest, button-up blouse...all as black as the medium-cut hair that curled in at the jowls just touching her shoulder. She was older, but still-young looking. Maybe even familiar if one looked closer, and her lipstick was as red as...well...blood.

"Now is this any way to treat a guest in our little city?" her manner was cool, calm, with an air of superiority. She stepped up to the Reverend and entered his personal space. "Nix...is it? I'm sorry, I wish I had time to chat, but I have been noticing your efforts. I must say, they have left quite the...impression..." Nix looked the woman, puzzled. Wondering what was her game. Noting the facial expressions from the townsfolk ranging from questioning to down-right pissed, he wasn't the only one.

"I know what it is to have a child who will not listen the council of their elders. I can sympathize to an extent, and because of that, I would like to give you...you might say...a love offering..." The dark woman turned to the empty street, stretched out her arms and opened her hands, and with a flash of light appeared...a large rectangular object, about 6 feet tall and a foot wide, wrapped in rainbow-colored gift paper with a pink bow. The sight was looked on with awe by all who say, except the mayor, who viewed it with a curious familiarity.

The woman in black then turned to the elder Nix, reached out her right hand to caress the man's jaw with her fingers, and seductively cooed, "Enjoy your gift...happy landings." And with a mocking air-kiss, she turned and walked away, but not before stopping at the younger Nix girl, smiling with a wink...then stopping to nod at Regina Mills. "You know what to do," she again cooed as she walked away into sunlight the seemed to swallow the woman into nothingness.

Tex Nix walked up to the wrapped slab, pulled the paper and bow, to reveal a mirror, surrounded by an ornate gold frame. Nix seemed pleased at this gift of kindness, probably thinking it was some kind of trap. Polly Nix did not move towards the mirror, but Regina moved next to Polly. "NIX!"

The preacher turned to the two women and looked.

"Apologize to your daughter! Now!"

"Are you threatening me, _witch_?" Nix had put two and two together, though he was wrong about the nature of magic. Regina asked again, more forcefully: "Will. You. Apologize. To. Your Daughter?"

Reverend Tex Nix stood with back against the large mirror and ground out his hateful response: "I. Do. NOT. Have. a DAUGHTER!"

Famous last words.

Before anyone could react, before he could even move, Regina lifted her arms, joined her hands in a fist, aimed at the preacher, and show a powerful purple beam towards him, knocking him backwards against the mirror, that started to absorb his body and swallow it.

Tex Nix had been absorbed by the mirror.

There were the prerequisite oohs, ahhs, and "I-Thought-She-Wasn't-Evil-Anymore"s. Polly's closest friends gathered round the young brunette, who was shaking like a leaf at what she just witnessed. Snow & James, Emma and Red were giving her moral and physical support. Regina gently, but firmly, held Polly Nix by the arms, the motioned her wife to come next to them.

"Look in my eyes, both of you." The former Queen knew she needed someone to confirm what she was about to say was true. "He not dead, and he's not hurt. He'll land in Arizona somewhere. When he's ready to accept you, Storybrooke will know, and he will be let in...and not one second sooner." And with that the mayor hugged the girl tight.

Then Emma Swan confirmed she was telling the truth. Everyone hugged her then. The town of Storybrooke had a new resident that need all the love they can give her. Red Lucas hugger tighter than any of them.

And as Regina Mills looked upon the scene. two soft/strong arms surrounded her middle body and a kiss was laid upon the the place behind her left ear. "When was the last time I Told you I love the living hell out of you Regina Mills?"

Regina responded by kissing Emma Swan full on the lips. Then Emma wanted to ask one question that was on her mind for the last 15 minutes..

"Honey...?"

Regina sighed and responded: "No, I didn't know she'd show up. For this I didn't think she would." Another sigh as brown eyes looked into blue... "Remind me when the shock wears off dear...I must tell mother thank you."

And as the rest of the town was hugging and kissing Polly Nix, Emma drew her wife in for a much deeper kiss...

* * *

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: it's been awhile. I know._

_This serves two purposes...to let you know this story's still active...we do have one or two chapters left...and to give a certain evil Queen a chance to know that anyone could be redeemed. And if Regina can...so can her mom._

_Don't worry...we get back to Polly in Ch. 9._

_Thjanks for your patience._

_OUAT is owned by DIsney/ABC, not me._

* * *

**_Chapter 8: Step 1 To REDEMPTION_**

* * *

The name really wasn't Storybrooke Bay, but The Mayor and the town christened it so about 10 years hence. It wasn't until about a year ago that boats actually showed up on that shore. Actually it was BOAT. Specifically, a pirate ship named "The Jolly Roger."

In the time since the arrival of one Emma Swan-Mills, much has happened, including a final battle, evil forces defeated, and two said evil forced exiled to live on the JR. Of course, this was after some pleading by the aforementioned Mrs. Swan-Mills, and Mayor Mills-Swan, and their son's insistence that said boat would be a great place for a growing 11-year-old boy to play. For safety's sake, they had to fix the tub.

And, if you asked them, the two occupants of said boat, Killian Jones and his life partner were very happy there. No one bothered them (the town was still too afraid of them), and they returned the favor. In fact, it was rare than Killian and his lover left that boat. That was until earlier that day.

And it was that which compelled the Mayor to visit Killian's girlfriend on that boat not soon after the incident.

The older woman, apparently in her youthful 60's. was on the bow looking out to the ocean. She did not hear the younger woman walk up behind her.

"Quite impressive, Mother."

Cora Mills turned around to face her daughter. Regina showed little emotion. A sharp contrast to the emotional scene in the town square a couple of hours ago when the mayor shoved a bigot through an enchanted window to free his daughter from his abuse. Deja vu, all over again.

Mother and daughter stood silently for a few moments. The the daughter broke the silence.

"Why?"

More silence, and the mother replied. "That girl...Polly...she reminded me of you in so many ways. Headstrong...led my emotions. I had followed that young lady ever since she and that wretched father of hers came here." A pause. "why were they here in the first place?"

"A joke..." A heavy sigh escaped Regina as she realized that joke had turned, but on whom she couldn't say. "I wanted to teach that bigot a lesson."

Cora smiled that Chesire Cat smile of hers. "That you did, dear...that you did." Cora paused again. "I just wanted ..." Another pause. A sob, perhaps? "I wanted for once to do the right thing."

Regina's returning smile was as broad as the ship they were on. "That you did."

Cora's next words had a touch of desperation to them. "I know I have done some horrid things. To you...to everyone in this town. I want to make up for that...I want...I want to be redeemed, somehow."

Regina took her mother's hands in hers. "Well, mother...step one, you have to redeem, yourself. You have to know in yourself that you have a good heart. You have to love yourself again."

Water was forming at the bottom of Cora's eyes as she replied. I don't think there's anything to love."

Regina simply smiled at her as she replied, "From what I saw today, I think there's a lot to love. And you know something...I really don't think I'm alone on that."

The Mayor of Storybrooke then tenderly kissed the cheek of the former Queen of Hearts, and then nestled in the older woman's arms, both quietly gazing as the blue sky and ocean.

Maybe on another day they would regret the wasted years, years filled with bitterness and hatred and death. But, right now, the women will just enjoy a mother and daughter moment on a beautiful warm day.

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED**


End file.
